A Less Perfect Thanksgiving
by Promethium
Summary: Piper learns there is no such thing as a perfect Thanksgiving through a course of chaotic and catastrophic holiday events.


Oops. It's not Thanksgiving anymore. Oops.

Anyways, Keeper of Tomies was the one who read this first and pointed out all the sad, sad spelling mistakes and typos, so yaya for her! *Claps hands excitedly*

I'll just get on with the story now...

* * *

Piper sat up, yawning. Orange sunlight shone through her orange curtains and outside the window, a few leaves were silhouetted against the light.

A perfect Thanksgiving.

Today, she would pick up the super fresh (as the seller had told her) turkey and prepare it for her squadron and their friends. She had to clean the _Condor _and decorate it with festive...decorations.

Everything had to be perfect.

Piper hopped out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom, taking a shower and getting dressed. She needed a fresh start.

Thanksgiving. Perfect.

No one else was awake yet, not even Stork who had fallen asleep clutching the large autopilot button and was now drooling gallons of...drool?

Piper swallowed her cereal quickly, left a note and hopped on her skimmer.

Time for the turkey.

OOO

"So glad ya came ma'am," the man drawled as Piper took in the large farm behind him. "Like I promised," he continued, his southern accent heavy, "Them turkeys are super-duper fresh."

He led her to an ancient looking barn with red paint peeling off the walls. A chicken clucked somewhere in the distance.

"Real beauties they is," The man said proudly. "Real beauties."

Piper's jaw dropped to the dirty, hay scattered ground.

Yeah, they were fresh. And beautiful. And alive.

Alive.

The two fat turkeys cooed and pecked the man's pockets.

Alive.

OOO

"I can't _kill _a turkey!" Aerrow spat. "It's inhumane!"

"Po-oo-oor TURKEY!" Finn screeched, slapping the strings of his guitar. "Mu-u-ssst DIE! F-f-for FOOD!"

"Turkey germs! Turkey bacteria! Turkey viruses! DOOM!" Said Stork.

"Hey guys!" Junko said brightly. "We can keep them and train them to be Radarr's best friend!"

Radarr snarled.

Piper sighed.

They would have to buy a frozen one from SkyMart instead.

OOO

"SALT!" Piper shouted.

"GETTING SALT!" Finn hollered back.

There was a loud crash.

"NO SALT!"

Piper's eyes bulged. What was a turkey without salt?

"SALT!" She shouted again.

Finn found salt. She shook it vigorously on the turkey.

"Prepare the cranberry sauce," she snapped to Aerrow.

Piper pointed to Junko. "You do stuffing."

"Potatoes!" She barked at Finn.

Soon, everyone was busy.

"Gimme!" Finn whined, tugging the seasoning from Radarr's grip.

Radarr tugged it back.

Piper snarled. "BREAK IT UP!"

The guests would arrive soon.

OOO

Suzy Lu was melting.

Too warm, too warm.

"Dude," Billy Rex complained, poking his mug of hot chocolate. "Got any ice cubes I can put in here?"

The Storm Hawks didn't have any ice cubes.

The Absolute Zeroes moaned.

OOO

The turkey looked delicious.

Was it delicious?

Piper cautiously sliced off a piece for everyone.

Harrier took the first bite.

He spit it out.

Everyone else sampled the turkey.

They spit it out.

Piper bit into a slice.

She screamed.

OOO

"It was sugar, wasn't it?" Piper growled in a scarily quiet tone. "I asked for _salt _and you gave me _sugar_, didn't you?"

"Accident!" Finn whimpered.

"You--," Piper took a deep breath. "You BRAINLESS, BLUBBERING BLOCKHEAD!"

The guests covered their ears. Suzy Lu swallowed her gum.

Piper smiled sweetly.

"I'll... go get dessert, shall I?"

OOO

Ten minutes later, the dining room was filled with happy chatter as Aerrow discussed battle tactics and Finn ranted about guitars.

Piper bustled around refilling mugs of warm apple cider (except for the Absolute Zeroes--they preferred it frozen.)

Harrier was just admiring his _charming _looks in the window, when he saw it. He let out a loud, manly scream (more like a shout), gracefully knocked over the coffee table and staining the cream rug with apple cider then fell gasping into the arms of his squadron.

It was the Cyclonians.

OOO

"This is unfair," Snipe grumbled. 'I could be enjoying a _feast, _but instead I get to come here and do whatever she told us to do."

"Hurrah." Dark Ace replied in an equally glum tone.

Ravess sniffed.

Their skimmers hovered slowly above the _Condor._

"So," Dark Ace said. "What are we doing?"

Ravess shrugged.

Snipe shrugged.

The Talons shrugged.

"I need to go pee," Snipe announced.

"Brilliant," Dark Ace replied.

OOO

Chaos reigned aboard the _Condor._

Suzy Lu's gum had popped in Carver's hair, and he didn't really appreciate his new pink...wig.

Harrier was in shock. "It's them!"

Stork was huddled in a dark corner, muttering things about impending doom. As always.

Then, suddenly, above all the noise, there was a shout.

"POTTY BREAK!"

About ten Talons and Ravess, Dark Ace and Snipe entered through the hangar bay.

Most of them made a beeline towards the bathrooms (how did they know?) but Dark Ace plopped himself right down next to...

"Hi buddy," he said cheerfully.

Aerrow screamed.

OOO

Dark Ace helped himself to cider and potatoes and stuffing, munching away happily.

The room was quiet.

"Well," he exclaimed. "Aren't we a glum bunch?"

No one replied. Aerrow gnashed his teeth loudly.

Dark Ace uncrossed his legs, setting his feet down from the table. "I'm going to get some turkey," he announced, bouncing towards the kitchen.

Everyone swallowed noisily.

There was a gagging noise coming from the kitchen.

OOO

The Cyclonians eventually left the _Condor, _having used their fill of Piper's vanilla scented soap.

Most of the guests left afterwards, too full of food and cider.

Piper wearily climbed into bed.

It had been a good Thanksgiving.

Good, but not perfect.

But she was happy anyways.


End file.
